I still wonder what went through your mind when you decided that i was no longer of any importance in your life. It’s true what they say that you can’t trust anybody now a days. You were one of the two people that i could say i trusted with my life. You knew all my flaws, weaknesses, insecurities. I made a mistake to trust someone this much again. You told me you would never hurt me intentionally like how ‘he’ did. Oh how it sounded so convincing back then when you still wanted me around. You were never my boyfriend or anything, but it seemed like we had this roller coaster relationship. You were my bestfriend, someone i could say that i cherished very dearly, and you would always have a place in my heart. I still miss you and i miss how we were so comfortable together. i remember when we would webcam at night when you werent suppose to and you would just let me rant on about how my day was while you just listened because you didnt want your parents to hear you. Yea i miss that. We used to sing to each other as well. You would always want me to sing you to sleep and we would constantly end our days like that. What happened to all these things that we used to do together? What happened to being best friends forever and growing old together and to see our children grow up together. I guess ill never know because you wouldn’t give me the chance to understand whats really going on. You said i wasn’t going to understand and it really hurt because i wanted you so bad to just open up to me and let me help. I guess im just still not ready to let go even after everything you put me through.
I’m usually so strong but i can’t keep up this act up anymore. I am being consumed by my negative thoughts. I feel so vulnerable. I want to just shut society out.
Cinemagraphs by Jamie Beck & Kevin Burg
By now, as tumblr users, we are fully aware of Cinemagraphs. It was interesting for me to watch this new form of GIF’s emerge from tumblr and it was one of the first great things I discovered when I joined just over a year ago. I really dislike GIFs, and these simplistic subtle animations gave me hope for what I considered to be the scourge of tumblr. To show my appreciation I thought I’d pick a few of my favourites that were made by the original creators of the cinemagraph, Jamie Beck & Kevin Burg.
Sometimes being emotionally detached from me makes me really insecure. I wish you didn’t do that. It’s like you act like you don’t give a fuck about me and not give me a reason either. What kills me, is not knowing…
when i call you my bestfriend i really mean it, i trust you entirely and just over this one little mistake that you want to call me a liar and put everything on the line. Then what did our friendship ever mean to you. you say you’re complex and that no one understands you but here i am trying to understand, i try and try and try everyday. And now you’re saying im not doing enough? This honestly is hurting me more than you will ever know. I guess i just valued our friendship more than you ever did.
All those emotions that i boxed up and buried for so long are slowly surfacing and i have no way of coping with it. It sucks how these emotions change how i am. I dont feel like myself. I feel like that young girl crying in the corner all alone, with no escape. I am trapped in my own mind.